sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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