he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
