My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
