they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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