Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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