Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
