I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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