Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
