I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
