I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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