thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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