Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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