I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
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Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
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THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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