The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
