I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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