No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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