haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do vagina's smell?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
