I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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