yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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