yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
