Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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