After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
