He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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