Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I just put wine in my tea
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
