and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
