I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
