it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
