I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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