I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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