My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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