Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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