Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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