You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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