when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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