He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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