I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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