whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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