I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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