I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
