There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
