I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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