Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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