oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
