his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
