i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
