Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
