My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
