Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
