There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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