do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
