Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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