I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
