how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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