We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
