If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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