we have officially lost it.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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