I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
