I just made out with a guy for $7.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
