it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
