the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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