Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
