grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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