Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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