I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
