Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
tell me about the fingering
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
