1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
