I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
