I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
