Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
