brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
