They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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