You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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