life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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