Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
