Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
