1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
