peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
