oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
