it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
