Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
