I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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