if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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