i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
