I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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