guys are not supposed to queef...right?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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